[Avodah] eulogies/hespedim [was: Dead-Letter Halakhoth]

[Freda B Birnbaum]

Zev Sero notes:

> I only remember going to one chol hamoed funeral, my great-aunt 
> Shirley's, and there were no hespedim.  I can't speak for your 
> experience. Note, though, that divrei kivushim are not hespedim, even if 
> said at a funeral.

and Rav Teitz replies:

> Finally, he cites eulogizing on Chol Hamoeid.  This is not a blanket 
> prohibition; it is permitted for a chacham b'fanav.  But more than that, 
> it is not "eulogy" which is prohibited, but "hespeid."  This refers to 
> the arousing of sadness and tears.  Such eulogies are indeed prohibited. 
> Not included, however, are remarks designed not to elicit sorrow, but to 
> call attention to the lessons that can be derived by the living from the 
> deeds of the departed, and indeed, at every occasion in which I have 
> attended a funeral on those days when hesped is prohibited, the first 
> speaker usually points this out, and then proceeds to list, in that 
> vein, the noteworthy praises of the departed.

I am sorry to report that I have attended two funerals in my neighborhood 
where absolutely nothing was said about the deceased.  At one of them, the 
presiding rabbi said, clearly in some distress, that it was a shame that 
such a good man as the deceased could not have eulogies.

It is extremely distressing to the survivors (whether family or friends) 
to hear nothing at all about their loved one.

One rabbi at the scene of one of these did say to me later, it's really 
about hired mourners and weeping and wailing, it's not about speaking 
about the person.  But apparently this community does not "hold" that way.

Freda Birnbaum