[Avodah] Parshas Mishpatim: Rav Shimon Schwab - When Parents Hijack a Life

[Prof. Levine]

  From http://revach.net/article.php?id=3449

The torah tells us in Parshas Mishpatim that both a child who hits or
curses his parent is chayav misa.  Rav Shimon Schwab asks how is it
that a child can possibly fall to such a level where he would do such
a terrible act?  He also asks why these two pasukim are separated by
a pasuk in between that says that if you kidnap a person you are chayavmisa.

He answers that the gemara says in Kedushin (30a) that a person must
rebuke his son while he still has a tight grip around his neck which
either until the age of 22 or 24.  Afterwards he must stop because
the child will no longer accept it.  If the parents continue to try
to control him beyond that point it would be considered like forced
slavery.  This can cause him to rebel and hit or curse his parents.

This is why, says Rav Schwab, the torah put the pasuk of "Goneiv
Ish", stealing a person squarely between hitting or cursing.  True
the child is in the wrong and will pay for it with his life, yet the
cause of it all still lies with the parent who did not listen to the
advice of Chazal.

A friend recently told me that someone asked Rav Aharon Leib
Shteinman what to do with a child that talks chutzpadik to his
parents.  Rav Aharon Leib answered that by nature a child would never
do such a thing unless confronted with too much pressure and no way
out. Embarrassingly I did a quick review of my recent confrontations
and told my friend that from what I can remember I can testify to the
truth of that statement in my own life.  Oy! the fine line that
parents have to tread nowadays, are getting finer by the day.