[Avodah] Messilat Yesharim and Peer Pressure

[Micha Berger]

On Thu, Sep 08, 2011 at 08:37:49PM +0300, Liron Kopinsky wrote:
:  When describing the things that get in the way of proper Zehirut, Ramchal
: names 3 reasons: Being too busy, not taking life seriously, and having bad
: friends....

: Having bad friends is interesting, however, as its opposite - having good
: friends - is not mentioned as one of the positive ways of acquiring Zehirut.
: This is strange because in Pirkei Avot (Chapter 2) it says "[Eizohi
: derekh yesharah sheyidbaq bah ha'adem?]" - "What is the straight path
: that a person should stick to?" - and one of the answers given there is
: "[chaver tov]" - "a good friend." In the mishna this is contrasted with
: the question "What is the bad path that a person should distance himself
: from?" with one of the answers being "bad friends."

Actually, R' Yehoshua speaks belashon yachid in both halves of 2:9,
IOW that last quote should be "a bad friend".

Which is actually ambiguous. An "ayin tovah" and a "leiv tov" are middos,
not posessions. Perhaps "chaver tov" means "*be* a good friend"?

: Why did Ramchal leave out positive peer pressure?

1- Balebateshe answer: The Ramchal knew that only yechidei segulah would
try to follow his book. Therefore, he couldn't recommend someone finding
chaveirim tovim to help him develop zehirus -- the advice would be too
rarely applicable. Friends who pull the other way might be easier to
stumble across.

2- Mussaresque answer: Developing middos through the aegis of friends
contains a mikhshol. One could end up putting up a front of zehirus to
fit in with the crowd, or worse, for yuhara, and not actually develop
real zehirus. Perhaps this motivated the Ramchal not to recommend finding
such friends, even though he tells you to avoid their opposite.

(And he also recommends you have friends and to be a good friend. leaving
you without too many options other than chaveirim tovim. Maybe settling
for people who are basically at the same level as you?)

See the discussion at the last part of pereq 11, on neqi'us WRT kavod. The
Ramchal discusses relative kavod, and things people will do not to seem
less deserving than their friends.

I actually think the first answer, prosaic as it is, is still the more
likely reason for the Ramchal's ommission.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             "As long as the candle is still burning,
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