[Avodah] the effect of our davening on the behira of others

[Simi Peters]

I think it is very simple.  Our davening cannot affect other people's behira because that would tamper with a fundamental defining characteristic of tzelem Elokim (retzono shel adam kevodo) and wreak havoc with issues of personal responsibility and the validity of sehar va'onesh, among other things.  However, our davening for others can affect *us* and the way in which we relate to the people we daven for.  A person who davens with any sincerity for someone will feel differently about him and treat him better, even in very subtle ways and perhaps without being conscious of this.  A case in point:  when Rabbi Meir stopped davening for the biryonim to die and began to daven that they do teshuva, *he* changed.  He became their neighbor, as opposed to a person who hated them, and began to relate to them differently.  When his attitude to them changed, they began to change, not because he had set in motion some mystical effect through his tefilla, but because he had set in motion a psychological effect through his behavior.  When you are Rabbi Meir's enemy, you have no reason not to behave like an animal.  When you are the neighbor of an exalted sage who smiles and says hello in the morning, you pick your socks up.  Don't we see this with kids all the time?  A lot of their self-esteem is dependent upon what we expect of them and how we treat them.

The principal operates on a larger scale, too.  When we daven for our soldiers, we are contributing to the elevation of the spiritual atmosphere in society in a very concrete way, and that has a knock-on effect on the behavior of others.  Leaders (e.g., the kohen gadol) who set a good example effectively do the same thing.  So a kohen gadol who really puts his heart into his job (i.e., davens with attention to detail and with true kavana) can have a very tangible, practical effect on the society, thereby lowering the probability of accidental murder. Conversely, think about how often people justify corruption or other bad behaviors with 'Everyone does it.' or 'Even cabinet ministers are corrupt.  Why should I be a frier?' In a society where 'everyone does it' means 'everyone is very virtuous', things would look very different.  

We are social creatures (lo tov heyot ha'adam levado!) and very much affected (consciously and unconsciously) by the behavior of others. Malcolm Gladwell (The Tipping Point) makes a good case that what drastically reduced crime in the NYC subways was, in part, cleaning the graffiti off the cars and fixing the turnstiles.  The population of the city did not change, but when people felt like they were in a 'clean, well-lighted place'  they behaved better--in response to a better atmosphere.

Of course, when we daven for our children's spiritual welfare, we are really asking Hashem to make the circumstances of their lives conducive to their spiritual welfare (the right opportunities, like good teachers and friends, etc.)  Even God himself cannot change our behira (hakol biyedei Shamayim hutz miyir'at Shamayim)--that is, in fact, what behira *means*.  

The rare exceptions to that (like the hardening of Par'o's heart and the preventing of teshuva in the case of Hofni and Pinhas) are actually a form of punishment.  The other possible exception (lev melahim ve'sarim beyad Hashem) is really talking about decisions that are not about personal morality, but could change the course of history.  So a king's ability to sin (or not) in his personal life would not be affected by Divine intervention, but Hashem would intervene to prevent him from starting a war (or not) because those decisions have ramifications for *God's* plan.

Kol tuv,
Simi Peters
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