[Avodah] wife lighting menora

[kennethgmiller at juno.com]

R' Rafi Goldmeier asked:

> Where else do we find a wife being excluded from a mitzva because of the
> exception of eeshto k'gufo? I could not think of any other mitzva where
> we exclude her like this. If this is the only one, what is different
> about Chanukah candles that we exclude her

I was thinking about this all Shabbos long, and asked several friends for ideas. We came up with nothing. I cannot think of any other mitzva which is done by the whole family, including the sons and the daughters, but not the wife.

But I did think of another case which contrasts with this so sharply that I think it is worth mentioning. Consider this:

A) Ner Chanuka is done by everyone, except the wife.
B) Ner Shabbos v'YT is done by *no* *one*, except the wife.

Consider that many similarities between these two mitzvos. Me'ikar hadin, they are both truly on the home and not on any individual. Any one member of the family can light and all will be yotzay. The others don't have to appoint the lighter as their shliach; it is automatic. The others don't even have to be present at the lighting. For example, in many homes the men have already left for shul when the wife lights the Shabbos candles; and on Chanuka, if the husband is away on a business trip, the wife can light for him at home.

On Chanukah, in all these cases, our practice (call it "minhag" or "mehadrin" or whatever) is for each person to light their own lights, but it is not absolutely required. Yet, each and every member of the family does try to light their own anyway -- except for the wife.

And on Shabbos, anyone could be the one to light the lights for the house, but under typical circumstances, no one does so, except for the wife.

Just some thoughts.

Akiva Miller

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