[Avodah] wife lighting menora

[Goldmeier]

On 2/12/2010 7:20 PM, Micha Berger wrote:
>
> I understand the machloqes is that Sepharadim hold that if one is lighting
> the mehadrin min hamehadrin of mosif veholeikh, then one isn't lighting
> neir lekhol echad (the mehadrin version). However, Ashkenazim assume that
> MMhM must include mehadrin, that one is lighting a set of mosif veholeikh
> for each person.
>
> Excluded from hiddur mitzvah as defined by one side of a machloqes. The
> chiyuv mitzvah is neir ish ubeiso, one per family. That's tenuous enough
> to perhaps explain why ner Chanukah is unique.
>
RG; you misunderstood me. I am not saying the ashkenazim hold wife is 
exempt, unlike the sefardim.

RAMA says everyone lights, and MB adds that that is except for the wife. 
I did not find that exception made in other seforim of ashkenazy psak, 
except those basing psak on the mishna brura. The aruch hashulchan 
doesnt mention it (though he also prefers only one person light, but 
when he talks about the minhag of all the bnei bayis lighting he does 
not mak the exception of the wife).

so why does the MB exempt her, and why is this different than other 
mitzvas?
> But I would like to suggest something else. The basic chiyuv is neir
> ish ubeiso... for a husband and wife to light separately therefore might
> ch"v imply pirud and a lack of shalom bayis. (Just thinking out loud.)
RG: This is a possibility, even though we are mehader to do more...