[Avodah] Tamar's Theatrics

[Micha Berger]

On Sun, Nov 28, 2010 at 01:24:33AM +0000, kennethgmiller at juno.com wrote:
: My question is: Why did she remain silent? Why didn't she say something
: like, "Keep your collateral. I am Tamar. I tricked you becuase I was tire
: of waiting for Shelah." But she didn't. Instead, she put her almanah's
: clothing back on, and pretended to continue waiting for Shelah. Why?
: 
: Here's my guess:
: Yibum today is different than back then....
: a                                    Could it be that another difference
: is that today only one act of biah is needed, after which they can
: divorce, while back then the goal was pregnancy. If I am correct, Tamar
: had to keep the illusion going, because if her first attempt failed,
: she might have to resort to such trickery again.

What is wrong with Chazal's assumption, that this is a textbook case
of someone trying to avoid being "malbin penei chaveiro" [MPC] (Sotah
10b, BM 58a-59a)?

(That first sentence originally read, "... to avoid halvanas penei
chaveirah" but I decided that traded clarity for precision.)

There is a machloqes rishonim as to whether the gemara's statement
"better to jump in a fire than to be MPC" is literal or guzmah. According
to Tosafos (Sotah ad loc), MPC is included in the yeihareig ve'al
ya'avor [YVY] of shefichas dam. And then one gets into lomdus about
whether dibbur is a maaseh in this regard, and therefore the YVY only
hypothetical. (Like the YVY nature of arayos doesn't apply to a woman
who made herself qarqa olam...)

The Me'iri (on both gemararos) is choleiq and says it's guzma to teach
some shemiras halashon.

But according to Tosafos, Tamar acted as per chiyuv.

Rabbeinu Yonah seems to hold like Tosafos. But, Rabbeinu Yonah might
too be using the same guzma the Me'iri says the gemara is. R' Yonah
writes more mussar than halakhah.

Embellishing on Chazal's theme...

Add to this that they assume that Yehudah knew he was destined to melukhah
-- he already deemed Yoseif a moreid bemalkhus -- and there is quite
amount of kavod at stake.

Given that Yehudah already showed a willingness to kill a moreid, Tamar
didn't even know if just stating his guilt would even save her.

But also, it means her problem went far beyond kavod hayachid. A melekh
may not be mokheil his kavod. (As Michal told Tamar's descendent, even
if she misunderstood "kavod" in that context.)

One last tidbit for the RYBS fans, from "The Community" (Tradition, Spring
1978 [17:2], pg 16):
    The Halakhah equated the act of publicly embarrassing a person with
    murder. Why? Because humiliation is tantamount to destroying an
    existential community and driving the individual into solitude. It
    is not enough for the charitable person to extend help to the
    needy. He must do more than that; he must try to restore to the
    dependant person a sense of dignity and worth. That is why we have
    developed special sensitivy regarding orphans and widows, since these
    persons are extremely sensistive and lose their self-confidence at
    the slightest provocation. The Bible warned us against afflicting
    an orphan and widow.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             Good decisions come from experience;
micha at aishdas.org        Experience comes from bad decisions.
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