[Avodah] Chassan Vekallah: Retaining an Aura of Tznius — Modesty

[Prof. Levine]

The following is from today's email 
from  http://jewishvalues.us/Welcome.html   Daily Hilchos Bein Adom L'Chavero

While all agree that there is a mitzvah to dance before

the kallah, there are different minhagim regarding

a male relative or Rabbi dancing (“mitzvah tantz”) with

the kallah ­ with the separation of a handkerchief, of

course ­ in order to endear her to the chassan. According to some opinions

it is prohibited to do so, and a talmid chacham should be stringent

and refrain. In communities where this is the norm and the intentions

of those participating are lesheim Shamayim, one should not protest the

minhag, but where it is not the accepted minhag, such dancing is forbidden.

In any case, the poskim prohibit men gazing at the kallah.

At wedding celebrations we should be careful to ensure complete

separation between men and women, especially during the dancing. If,

chas veshalom, there is any mixing between boys and girls at the time of

dancing, many issurim are violated, including: “Lo sikrevu 
 ­ Do not

approach 
” (Vayikra 18); “Lo sasuru 
 ­ Do not turn after your eyes”

(Bamidbar 15); and “Venishmarta 
 ­ Keep away from all evil thoughts”

(Devarim 23). In fact, if men and women sit together during the wedding

meal, the meal loses its designation as a seudas mitzvah, and we do

not add the brachah of Shehasimchah bime’ono with the bentching, since

Torah obligations are likely to be violated at such a gathering. Whoever

is in a position to influence the baalei simchah should do whatever is in

his power to prevent this practice.

When a sheva brachos takes place in a private home, with the participation

of only close family, in some places the custom is for men and

women to sit separately in the same room, without a mechitzah separating

them, and still say the brachah of Shehasimchah bime’ono. However,

if there are young men or women from outside the family present, such

as friends of the chassan and kallah, then there should certainly be a

mechitzah. (Mishpetei Hashalom 16:12–13)



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