[Avodah] so is she married?

[Micha Berger]

On Tue, Nov 03, 2009 at 03:52:46PM +0000, kennethgmiller at juno.com wrote:
: R' Micha Berger responded:
: > As did someone who said "Will you marry me?", gives her a ring,
: > there are eidim, and both of them even have every intent to spend
: > the rest of their lives as a couple. No?

: It depends on what you mean by of "the rest of their lives" and "as a
: couple". The whole idea of engagement is that, yes, they are agreeing
: to be a couple of "rayim ahuvim" henceforth and forever, but they are
: NOT agreeing to be a *married* couple until some future point.

I'm not sure how far an engagement is from halachic eirusin, and
whether the guy's thoughts at the time he "pops the question"
necessarily cover that difference, and whether we can assume those
devarim shebaleiv necessarily trump his actual words.

I can't strongly argue a position I don't hold. However, you asked how
machmirim would have room to be machmir, and why someone who doesn't hold
thus mei'ikar hadin may want to avoid the question anyway. That much,
I think I provided.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             The purely righteous do not complain about evil,
micha at aishdas.org        but add justice, don't complain about heresy,
http://www.aishdas.org   but add faith, don't complain about ignorance,
Fax: (270) 514-1507      but add wisdom.     - R AY Kook, Arpilei Tohar