[Avodah] children at a wedding

[T613K at aol.com]

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From: Eli Turkel _eliturkel at gmail.com_ (mailto:eliturkel at gmail.com) 

A relative of  mine is getting married for a second time after a divorce.
One rabbi advised  the grown children not to attend the chupah ceremony but 
only
come to the  dinner afterwards

Is this custom mentioned by  poskim?







>>>>>
 
When my husband asked him this question, R' Yirmiyahu Aloy zt'l, who  was a 
Dayan on the Bes Din in Johannesburg (and my husband's uncle), told  my 
husband that in Europe children /never/ went to their parents'  weddings.
 
(btw when my husband further asked him if it made a difference whether  the 
parents were widowed or divorced, he said, "Divorced?  Who ever got  
divorced?")
 
Children "fashter" the simcha because in their hearts they are  never 
wholeheartedly besimcha to see one parent marrying another partner,  whether the 
other parent died or was "lost" because of divorce.  To  see a parent 
re-marrying causes a child tza'ar (even an adult child).   The tza'ar the child 
feels, however slight, puts a chill on the simcha.  I  don't want to say that 
a child might cause an ayin hara at his parent's wedding  but maybe 
something like that.
 

--Toby Katz
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