[Avodah] Tzni'ut and Gender Issues

[Joseph Kaplan]

In thinking about this some more, it seems to me that there are three  
concepts that overlap and may sometimes be confused in connection  
with people playing a public role in the Jewish community: tzni'ut  
(modesty), kavod (honor) and respect.

As I see it, tzni'ut tells us HOW to play a public role, not whether  
we SHOULD play it.  Thus, one should be a public figure modestly;  
without arrogance, self-importance, ga'avah, conceit etc. etc.  That  
is what modesty means in this context and, of course, would apply  
equally to both men and women.

Kavod/honor tells us WHY, or, rather, WHY NOT, one should seek a  
public role.  If the reason is to seek kavod/honor, then sources that  
have been presented in earlier posts teach us that one should not  
chase after honor.  So if that's the reason for one wishing to play a  
public role, it's not a good one. Of course, when the purpose is to  
honor others (as, for example, posters have argued is the case of a  
misader kiddushin), then such "honor" is acceptable.  Again, this  
should apply equally to men and women.

And respect.  It seems to me that most of the women who seek the  
title "rabbi" are not doing it for honor but are doing it for  
respect, a respect that is necessary to do their jobs properly.   
Without the title -- and this might be unfortunate but I think it's  
true -- they're not listened to.  "Who's he/she to tell us that?"   
Without the title, it's tough to answer that question. I've heard  
faculty and administration in the schools my kids went to speak about  
"the rabbis" in a way that they do not speak about others in the  
school.  And because of that attitude and the respect "the rabbis"  
receive, they can do their jobs properly and are listened to.  In  
addition, they get paid better than others who may have equal  
knowledge but no title.  This too i an issue of respect (and fairness.)

I see this in real life in another setting.  My wife has a PhD in  
psychology. However, she uses "Dr." only in professional settings,  
EXCEPT when she's dealing with medical doctors, customer service  
people or bureaucrats.  When she was managing her elderly parents'  
health care, if she was simply Sharon Kaplan she was often shunted  
aside quickly.  When she introduced herself as Dr. Sharon Kaplan, the  
attitude changed, and her questions and comments were treated much  
more seriously.  Similarly, she has found that when making a  
complaint about goods or services or when dealing with a government  
(or any other) bureaucrat, saying she is "Dr." Kaplan gets her much  
better service; the service that all of us deserve but frequently do  
not get.

I have spoke n to women and men who do bikkur cholim in hospitals.  
Men who say they are "Rabbi" so-and-so are treated better by hospital  
staff than women (and men) who do not have the title.  Thus, women  
who want to be hospital chaplains know that having the title "rabbi"  
will get them the respect they deserve, thus helping them do their  
job better and enabling them to give better service to the recipients  
of those services.

There are, of course, other public policy issues concerning whether  
women should be rabbis or play a more public role in certain ritual  
settings.  But it seems to me that tzni'ut is not one of those public  
policy issues.

Joseph Kaplan