[Avodah] Tisha b'Av and Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy

[Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer]

Tisha b'Av and Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy

    ...a disorder in which a person deliberately causes injury or
    illness to another person, usually to gain attention or some other
    benefit. (Wikipedia)

Completely separate from the issue of whether the mother in the episode
that is ongoing in Yerushalayim is obsessed by MSbP or not, is the
question of the message that Hashem is trying to send us by having had
this episode unfold specifically in Bein HaMetzarim.

The answer is rooted in the Cheit HaMeraglim, the "original sin" of Tisha
b'Av in which all the day's later tragedies are rooted. What was the
cause of that sin? As I heard many years ago from Mori v'Rabi Rabbi Shimon
Zelaznik zt"l, the Zohar HaKadosh explains that, great individuals that
the Nesi'im who were sent to be the Meraglim were, they were concerned
that upon entering Eretz Yisroel all Jews would be holy and lofty,
and their nesi'us would no longer be necessary. This negi'a led them
to mistakenly conclude that it would be better -- not only subjectively
but even objectively -- for Am Yisroel to remain outside of the Land of
Israel, so as to benefit from the leadership of the Nesi'im.

Thus, the Meraglim deliberately attempted to inflict the terrible
injury of the loss of Eretz Yisroel upon Am Yisroel -- in order for
them to retain the attentiveness of the people to their leadership and
direction. In short, the Meraglim were guilty of the sin of MSbP. Rather
than seek to retain their status by elevating themselves, they sought
to retain their superior status by degrading others.

This is the yesod ha'yesodos of Sinas Chinam. What is the difference
between your everyday, plain old Sinah and Sinas Chinam? There are people
that I am entitled to hate -- say, a Haman or a Hitler. But Sinas Chinam
means that I hate someone who I really have no reason to hate, and who
is not deserving of hate (see the Siddur Otzar HaTefillos on Al cheit
she'chatanu lefanecha b'Sinas Chinam). The problem is, that this may
make him my equal, and my ga'avah and kavod will not allow me to see
anyone else as my equal (as my better, perhaps yes -- that's a different
story, but not as my equal!). So I seek to retain my superior status by
degrading him. Sinas Chinam=MSbP.

Societies can self-define in two different ways: By who they are, or
by who they are not. They can say: "We are different because we have a
certain superior aspect;" or they can say: "We are different because they
have a certain negative aspect." At first glance, these might seem like
two sides of the same coin, but they are not: When we define ourselves
by what we are not, we accentuate their flaws. This approach has two
pretty negative corollaries: Complacency (i.e., just by me being me
I'm the greatest, so there is really no need for me to change anything,
is there?) and dehumanization (i.e., those guys are such lowlifes that
we obviously don't need to treat them with mentchlichkeit!). In short,
societies that self-define in the latter manner are engaging in MSbP
wholesale.

When frum Jews call non-frum or less-frum Jews "Erev Rav," or "Nazis,"
or "Amalek," they are engaging in MSbP. They are defining themselves and
rationalizing anything they might be doing by dehumanizing others. In
fact, even if I just say: "Well they do the same thing, they're no
better than us," or charge them with maintaining a double standard
(both of which may be perfectly true), I'm still guilty of MSbP: I'm not
engaging in introspection to see if I'm worthy, or in and self-growth
to become worthy, of attention and respect -- I'm great, you've/he's
got problems/issues; are anti-frum/anti-Charedi/anti-Modern Orthodox;
are a self-hating Jew; are antisemitic; are a mosser.

Which leads us to the other messages that Hashem has sent us during this
very unique Bein HaMetzarim:

First, the protests in Yerushalayim. Again, I am not getting into
whether the protests are justified or not. But how could they have come
to overturning garbage bins and setting them on fire, and to the wanton
destruction of public property, etc.? Would these same people under the
same circumstances have protested so violently in another country? I
think we all know that the answer is, no. So why in Eretz Yisroel? MSbP.
Because that segment of Orthodox Judaism has long defined itself by what
it is not ("Tziyoinim," "Mizrachistin," etc.) and in the course of that
self-definition they have succeeded in delegitimatizing and dehumanizing
the State, its society, its institutions and its representatives to the
point that they are unworthy of mentchlichkeit.

Second, the alleged criminal activity of the arrested Rabbonim and other
Orthodox Jews. Again, I am not getting into whether they are guilty or
not. Let us hope,even assume, that they are not. But in orchestrating
the arrests in and of themselves, Hashem clearly intended to send yet
another MSbP message. We bandy about catchphrases (usually irrelevant
and misapplied!) such as Eisav sonei l'Yaakov or Atem keruyim Adam.
Sometimes it's for a "worthy" cause -- to caution us in regard to our
public behavior, or to castigate the others' immoral behavior, etc. But
this too is ultimately a manifestation of MSbP. We thus delegitimatize
and dehumanize our non-Jewish neighbors (or kidney donors), which
leads too often to dishonesty, fraud, racism, etc. So Hashem says to
us: "Hello?! Is this what you think I meant when I told you to be a
Mamleches Kohanim v'Goy Kadosh?! Do you really think this is being Ohr
LaGoyim?!" So let's even stipulate that the crimes are all trumped-up
charges (halevai!) -- but do we seriously deny the middos problems that
could lead to such crimes?

Third, the curious phenomenon of the focus on the heinous act of the
moser. We have seen this focus exaggerated to such an extent that the
message one might be excused for getting is that the real problem is the
mesirah! It is reminiscent of the Gemara that states (not l'maskanah!):
"It is not the mouse that steals, but the mousehole." Again, let us
stipulate that the moser is a rat fink of the lowest kind. But in
essence, focusing on him is like saying that even if the crimes were
(chas v'shalom!) committed, the real problem is that they were exposed.
Is there any greater manifestation of MSbP?! Moreover, somewhat on a
tangent, do we really think mesirah is such a problem amongst us that the
Hashgachah made this happen to highlight that problem? And, by the way,
I would like to propose a daherr: The Gemara says the Beis HaMikdash
was destroyed because of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza. In calling the missing
guest "Kamtza" and the moser "Bar Kamtza," it is evident that it was
the matter of Kamtza that was the primary and major cause -- the "Bar"
(son of) Kamtza matter was but the secondary and minor cause.

The Torah itself alludes to MSbP. (By the way, we also suffer from 
Munchausen Syndrome in its non-by-Proxy strain, but that's not for now. 
And the book "The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen" is very 
engaging reading, but that's certainly not for now.). The way in which 
Munchausen is spelled in Hebrew (×ž×™× ×›×"א×+× -- ן) equals 189 in gematria. This 
is equivalent to the words לא ימצא ט×+×' "Lo Yimtza Tov" in the pasuk 
(Mishlei 17:20): עִקֶּשׁ לֵ×' לֹא יִמְצָא ט×+Ö¹×' ×+Ö°× Ö¶×"ְפָּךְ ×'ִּלְשׁ×+Ö¹× ×+Ö¹ יִפּ×+ֹל ×'ְּרָעָ×". Of course, 
the person afflicted with MSbP will not find good in others -- on the 
contrary, he will seek to accentuate the bad. Thus, 189 is also 
equivalent to the words ילע×' למ×+ "Yil'ag Lamo" in the pasuk (Iyov 
22:19): יִרְא×+Ö¼ צַ×"ִּיקִים ×+Ö°×™Ö´×©×‚Ö°×žÖ¸× -- ×+Ö¼ ×+Ö°× Ö¸×§Ö´×™ יִלְעַ×' לָמ×+Ö¹, for the quest to accentuate 
the bad is in order to denigrate the other as an excuse for not focusing
on building oneself. Finally, the 189th pasuk in the Torah (Bereishis
8:5) is the first pasuk in Tanach to reference the 10th month -- the
month of Av...

All of us are guilty of MSbP in some way or another. It's impeding the
Geulah. Hashem has brought it out in the most blatant ways possible.
What can we do about it?