[Avodah] Friday Nighr blessings

[kennethgmiller at juno.com]

R' Stu Grant wrote:
> It has been acknowledged that the Bircat Habanim is a Minhag
> (perhaps from the time of Yaakov, Ephraim and Menasheh), but
> may not apply to children who already have their own
> households.

Let's stress the "may not", as in "may or may not". I really have no idea what the poskim say about this minhag. The Shmiras Shabbos doesn't mention it except in the context of whether or not an Avel can do it during Shiv'a. Can anyone suggest some mareh Mkomos?

> At all the?Erev Shabbat meals that I have attended as a guest
> I have seen the Baal Habayit bless their children regardless
> of age or marital status.

Ditto. And often the Baalat Habayit as well. And often any guests whose children are present as well.

> Since this is a Minhag, I would be interested in the
> experience and action of other people on this list. I bless
> my daughter after which she blesses her three year old son...

My wife and I try give brachos to all our children every Friday night. This includes both our biological children, and those who have become our children by marrying our biological ones. It also includes our grandchildren, and hopefully some day their spouses.

When we are separated for Shabbos for whatever reason, we give them these brachos by phone, preferably before Shabbos, and sometimes after Shabbos. We do not give these brachos in any particular order. (ie: sometimes this child is first, sometimes that child-in-law is first. It usually ends up pretty random.)

I can't imagine any reason to davka stop doing this when they get married. I reluctantly admit that sometimes we forget, and I can certainly sympathize with those who choose not to go through the bother of phoning those who are not by the parents on Shabbos, and/or those who feel that a bracha via phone doesn't count. But if the parents and married children *are* in the same place over Shabbos, I don't know why being married would impinge on the parent-child relationship to the point that it would put these brachos out of the picture.

> To me this is a true representation of Mesorah (though only
> Minhag) and the embodiment of our people's timelessness, as
> hopefully my daughter will bless her eventual grown son and he
> will then turn around and bless his children.

Very nice thought.

> Finally, do we have? a source as to how old Ephraim and Menashe
> were at the time of their blessings from Yaakov and if they had
> families at that time?

I can't prove it offhand, but (being in Parshas Vay'chi) it would seem to have been at the very end of Yaakov Avinu's life, in the year 2255. The Torah Anthology, vol 3, pg 645, says that according to Yalkut Shimoni, Menashe was born in 2230 and Ephraim in 2231, and that according to Seder Hadoros it was 3 years later, and according to Tzemach David both were born in 2135. (I'm guessing that's a typo, and he meant 2235.) That would put their ages at between 20 and 25. Anyone know when they married?

Akiva Miller

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