[Avodah] bat mitzva "bo bayom"

[Micha Berger]

On Tue, Sep 16, 2008 at 07:39:36PM -0500, Ira Tick wrote:
: Perhaps this is why even we Orthodox borrow this practice, because its
: always worth impressing upon our kids the importance of accepting
: responsibility of Torah willingly and yet with a sense of duty, so that bar
: mitzvah is about personal pride and committment, and not just about being
: liable for punishment and having to run the gauntet of adolescence.

Celebrating bar mitzvah is older than Reform. They turned it into a major
catered affair, rather than shnaps and cake after Shacharis. But then,
they also typically enjoyed more wealth first.

Most of us know informally that the consensus among contemporary poseqim
is that bar mtivah, at least bo bayom, is a se'udas mitzvah. The maqor
usually cited in speaches at the mesibah is R' Yosef's celebration
upon learning that blind people like himself are chayavim in mitzvos
(Qiddushin 31a). We see that being a bar chiyuvah is cause for a
se'udah. The Maharshal (of the Yam shel Shelomo) writes that if R' Yosef
merely finding out he was a bar chiyuva is sufficient cause, al achas
kamah vekamah the day a boy actually becomes one! The Maharshal calls it
a se'udas mitzvah.

The bar mitzvah party in Poland in his day was "shalashudis", where the
boy gave a speech and marked his adulthood by leading the mezuman.


As for bas mitzvah, it too pred (taken via the SCJ FAQ, scjfaq.org):
- The Ben Ish Chai says she should wear a new outfit and have in mind to
  include ol mitzvos when making the shechiyanu

> - Rabbi Yitzchak Nissim Z"l quotes from Rabbi Mussafya (1606-1675, born in
>   Spain a rabbi and personal doctor of King Critian the IV of Denmark.
>   later he moved to amsterdam) that the day of the Bat Mitzvah is a day of
>   celebration and the dinner is a "Se'udat Mitzvah" (mitzvah dinner).

> - In Italy (Torrino and Milan) it was customary to gather the Bat Mitzvah
>   girls and the community during a weekday, the girls stood in front
>   of the open Aron Kodesh and recited (dividing the prayers among
>   them) a special prayer written for them which included a blessing of
>   Shehechiyanu and ended "Baruch Ata Hashem Lamdeynee Chukecha"...
>   [note, the prayer was also said by bar mitzvah boys]. Then the rabbi
>   speaks and blesses the girls and their families. Afterwards, there is
>   a Se'udat Mitzva at the girls' home

Mordechai Kaplan, father of Reconstructionism, turned this Italian
minhag, the Florencian version, into the modern non-O bas mitzvah.
His daughter Judith's bas mitzvah is generally recognized as the first
in the US.

But there is at least some connection to mesorah on bas mitzvah as well.

But what are you celebrating? It's not becoming chayav deOraisa rather
than midin chinukh, because that is 2 sa'aros, not a birthday. It's
becoming old enough to be assumed deRabbanan to be chayav in the mitzvah
itself rather than chinukh.

: Many bar mitvah boys complete sedarim of mishnayos for their bar mitvah or
: something similar as well.  Many young ladies prepare explanations of the
: parsha or share insights about their favorite Biblical heroine or Torah
: passage pertaining to women, etc (hopefully not their parent or teacher's
: insights--we should encourage kids to do some original thinking for their
: bar/bat mitzvah.  Probably then it is a seudas mitzvah...

I went one step further and borrowed from the non-O the practice of a
chessed project. One son spent a year raising money so that he could give
out technogifts to kids his age at a nearby oncology unit on his birthday,
the 2nd of Chanukah. (Tzedaqos tend to get teddy bears and Candyland.) A
daughter spent every Shabbos giving respite for a family with two autistic
sons, enabling the husband to get to shul, which continued after her bat
mitzvah as well, b"H. Her triplet brothers raised enough money ($13k)
to build a special needs playground at Camp Simcha Special in memory of
a friend's older sister.

In addition to a siyum and leining some of their parashah.

We need to get our children used to being ehrlicher balebatim in addition
to being lamdanim.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             Mussar is like oil put in water,
micha at aishdas.org        eventually it will rise to the top.
http://www.aishdas.org                    - Rabbi Israel Salanter
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