[Avodah] the cohen gadol and marriage to a pubescent girl

[T613K at aol.com]

In a message dated 7/2/2008, jkaplan at tenzerlunin.com writes:

>>I'm not sure I understand what's the bottom line.  Is it  that you are  
wrong in finding a 12-year-old girl marrying a  man  of 40 or
50 is quite distasteful and you should work on changing  your tastes  
so you will find it perfectly ok?  Or is it ok to  think something the  
Torah permits, indeed even demands, is  distasteful?<<

Joseph Kaplan




>>>>>
That is quite a fair question.  In the case of  the Torah forbidding what 
current society permits, one must certainly not accept  as "normal" or "neutral" 
what the Torah forbids.  In the case of the Torah  permitting, or even 
requiring, what one finds personally distasteful -- I don't  know if you have an 
obligation to adjust your personal preferences.  If,  for example, you are a 
vegetarian and find the very thought of meat repulsive --  are you obligated to 
work on yourself and change your personal tastes, knowing  that when the Bais 
Hamikdash is rebuilt, you will have to eat the Korban  Pesach?  I don't think so 
-- I think you are still allowed to say, "I don't  like meat" -- but must 
admit I have no sources.  (You'll still have to eat  the Korban Pesach, but you 
won't have to enjoy it.)
 
In the case of marriage, the halacha is clear that a woman is never married  
against her will, so any 12-year-old girl who does not want to marry the Kohen 
 Gadol -- does not have to.  She is under no compulsion to change her  
feelings. 
 
What about the rest of us?  Are we obligated to adjust our mental  furniture 
so that marriage between a child and a middle-aged man no longer seems  
distasteful?  I don't know.  It really is a good question.  I  must admit that I 
have never found the picture of three-year-old Rivkah marrying  40-year-old 
Yitzchak to be exactly romantically satisfying, either.  Even  allowing for the 
fact that the marriage was not consummated until she matured,  it's not so 
appealing.  When I found out that the Rashbam says Rivkah was  14, not 3, when she 
got married -- I did feel better.
 
One thing you do see with this big difference in ages -- by the time  they've 
been married 20 years or more, the disparity in their ages no longer  seems 
so glaring.  When Avimelech sees them from his window, they are  interacting 
like any married couple.  They also talk to each other (about  Esav's wives, 
whom they both detest) like any married couple.  


--Toby Katz
=============

President Reagan talked with the Soviets while pushing ahead  with the 
deployment of Cruise and Pershing missiles in Europe. He spoke softly —  after 
getting himself a bigger stick.  --Mark Steyn




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