[Avodah] levayah minhagim

[Esther and Aryeh Frimer]

In the United States, the general custom I observed at religious funerals
was to have all family members (male and female) go through the shura
together which was made up of men and women. At my first funeral in
Israel ca 1974, I noted that the Chevra Kadisha instructed only the
men to make a shura for only the male mourners. I asked the head of
the Chevra Kadisha and he indicated that that's what is found in Rav
Tackatchinsky's Gesher haChaim. Indeed, Rav Tuckachinsky indicates that
that was Minhag Eretz Yisrael, but he also notes that women don't go to
Funerals at all (Based on a Zohar in Pekudai the the Satan is Meraked).
Needless to say, the women mourners of our Anglo Saxon community in
Rehovot were very hurt and offended, especially since all knew that the
Minhag in the Galut was otherwise.

I then consulted with Rav Simcha Kook, Chief rabbi of Rehovot. On the
one hand, he didn't want to contravene the Minhag of the Chevra Kadisha;
on the other hand, he understood that the women needed the communal
Nihum Aveilum. We agreed that the men would make a shura for the men and
the women for the women. It took a few times for me to teach the women
of our community what to do and what to say, but it now occurs without
my intervention. When someone is buried at Eretz haChaim Cemetery near
Beit Shemesh, the same happens. The head of the Chevra Kaddisha makes his
announcement (Men for men), and - if the family wants it - we make sure
there is women's shura for the women. At Eretz haChaim Cemetery they also
don't have women Eulogizing. I spoke openly with the head of the Chevra
Kaddisha and he indicated that after they leave, "we can do as we like."
So I arrange for the women to speak at the kever then.

As far as keriah is concerned, women are Hayyavot just like men. In
Eretz Yisrael, one of the women (often from the Chevra Kaddisha) helps
the aveilot with the keriah and berakha, as do the men for the men. The
only difference is that because of tsniut, the cut in the dress or blouse
is immediately pinned up.

    Aryeh

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Prof. Aryeh A. Frimer
Chemistry Dept., Bar-Ilan University
Ramat Gan 52900, ISRAEL
E-mail: FrimeA at mail.biu.ac.il