[Avodah] Teshuva - postive or negative?

[Micha Berger]

On Fri, August 31, 2007 2:17 pm, R Daniel Eidensohn forwarded from an
off-list email a collection of "sound bites" about teshuvah from Orot
haTeshuvah. Among them:
: * One tends to have paradoxical feelings of tshuva, with (1) anxiety
: over one's sinful state, (2) joy over renewed and positive state.

Working from the Rambam's four steps:
    -charatah
    -azivas hacheit
    -vidui
    -qabbalah al ha'asid
I don't see the "paradox".

Charatah is inherently depressing. I could even see someone explain
"charatah" to a child as "feeling sad over something I did". On the
other hand, while qabbalah al ha'asid isn't /inherently/ joyous (in
that it is theoretically possible to make such a qabbalah without
joy), if properly considered it would be joyous -- a renewed and
positive state, new opportunities.

So it is not so much paradox as different steps in the process.

(In any case, I would have translated it "ambivalent", as having
conflicting emotions is the norm, not paradox.)


I think the problem the seminary student had with "the depressing tone
of Elul" is a particularly modern malaise. With modernity we assigned
a strong value to autonomy. In extreme cases, this becomes the entire
moral code. As one person posted on scjm (on more than one occasion),
he believes the worst moral offense is opposing your morality on
another.

Autonomy means doing what I want to do rather than being coerced.

People therefore relate well to the carrot, but do not respond to the
stick the way we used to. Rather than chastising people into
submission, it causes anger, resentment, and in many cases, rebellion.

In fact, R' Shlomo Wolbe says that parenting and mussar in our
generation must use the carrot, it must be "zeri'ah ubinyan" (as the
title of his seifer puts it), not pruning. Yes, Shelomo haMelekh tells
us "one who spares his rod spoils his child" (Mishlei 13:24). But we
can use another pasuq to specify which rod. "And I took unto me two
staves; the one I called Graciousness, and the other I called Binders;
and I fed the flock." (Zecharia 11:7) Who said Shelomo was speaking of
the first rod? Do not spare the rod of Graciousness! At least, that is
what we need today. (Ad kan RSW's thought.) We have a self esteem
movement, we today speak Slabodka's language of "gadlus ha'adam", not
Novardok's "ich bin gornisht".

In fact, the entire concept of submission is in disfavor. We speak of
connecting to mitzvos, being moved by mitzvos, singing "Mitzvah
gedolah lihyos besimchah tamid" and "ivdu es Hashem besimchah". But
the counterbalancing value of "ana avda deQudshah berikh Hu" and "ani
avdeKha ben amaseKha" is totally absent. We serve G-d to be happy, to
have meaning, and we do mitzvos to enjoy thoughts of deeper meanings.
But simply serving Hashem to serve Hashem, because He is King? To
submit our will before His? Not really the language found in
contemporary literature.

And I think that is why we can relate to "qaballah al ha'asid" and
focus on that growth and clean slate, but can't do the same when it
comes to confronting the ugly parts of our past. Carrot, not the
stick.

Tir'u baTov!
-mi

-- 
Micha Berger             Spirituality is like a bird: if you tighten
micha at aishdas.org        your grip on it, it chokes; slacken your grip,
http://www.aishdas.org   and it flies away.
Fax: (270) 514-1507                            - Rav Yisrael Salanter