[Avodah] Teshuva - postive or negative?

[Daniel Eidensohn]

I recently was asked by a number of  recent baalei teshuvos -  how to 
deal with what they perceived as the intense negative atmosphere of 
Elul  in their seminary classes. They said that they were attracted to 
Torah observance because it was such a positive, future oriented way of 
life. However they find that in the seminary programs, there is a focus 
on finding fault with oneself, looking at the negative, being self 
critical and skeptical about their motivation.  They felt guilty about 
being turned off by this approach. They had been given an exercise 
requiring them to list their ten worst sins and what they should do to 
repent.

I asserted there is a direct comparison in this issue between 
psychotherapy and repentance. In both one chooses whether to focus on 
digging in the dirt or focusing on developing one's potential. In other 
words, one can do teshuva either by focusing on faults or by focusing on 
avodas HaShem as described by Rav Chaim Shmuelvitz. While the Rambam 
clearly requires acknowledging sin, the  affirmation of leaving it and 
confession - the issue is whether the main concern is repentance through 
repair of the bad or through improvement of the good? I understand the 
following two sources as going beyond the issue of repenting one's sins 
and focusing on the larger picture of what should be done with one's 
life. Any other sources which are relevant to this  issue?

*Sichos Musar (#33): *Everyone is required to thoroughly examine his 
deeds especially before Rosh HaShanna - the Day of Judgment. This 
obligation is not just to discover transgressions and lapses in 
observance of the commands. It also includes the evaluation whether  
one's path in serving G‑d is the correct one for him since everyone has 
a unique path. The issue  of Avodas HaShem is such that a person could 
keep all the mitzvos yet have a completely false approach to serving 
G‑d. The problem is compounded by the fact that he might have 
incorrectly assumed that what he was doing would be pleasing to G‑d. 
Nevertheless all his efforts would have been to accomplish a mistaken 
goal. Consequently if he has not carefully evaluated the correctness of 
his plan than all his efforts and sacrifices are wasted. Furthermore he 
is punished according to the degree of effort he made to accomplish this 
wrong plan… This can be seen from the fact that Rav Yochanon ben Zakkai 
who was not only the leading Torah scholar of his time but also had 
succeeded in saving Torah for all future generations was frightened 
before his death. He cried before his students and said "I see before me 
two paths – one to Gan Eden and the other to Gehinom and I don't know 
where they are taking me. Shouldn't I cry?" His fear was not because of 
failing to keep the whole Torah. His fear was solely because he might 
have failed to properly have done his Avodas HaShem. There is the 
additional problem with Avodas HaShem – that one simply can't repent for 
doing it incorrectly since it is easy to be mistaken and assume that you 
are doing the right thing.


*Mishna Berura (Shaar HaTziyun 622:6): *A person many times despairs of 
correcting his faults and concludes that if G-d decrees that he dies 
because of his failure there is nothing he can do about it. However this 
is a mistaken attitude because in the end, G-d will get the correction 
of the soul that He wants. The soul will be reincarnated over and over 
again into this world until the correction is achieved. Consequently why 
should the soul repeatedly suffer death and the anguish of the grave and 
other things? Proof of this is from Yonah whom G-d wanted to prophesize 
for Nineveh and he tried to escape to the sea where prophesy does not 
occur. We see that he sunk into sea and was swallowed by the great fish 
and was in its belly many days where it seems that it was impossible to 
fulfill G-d’s command. Nevertheless we see that at the end G-d’s will 
was fulfilled and he went and prophesized. Thus it is with everyman 
according to his Divinely ordained task. Therefore as it says in Avos 
(4:22): Don’t view the grave as a refuge—because you were born against 
your will, you live against your will, you die against your will and 
against your will you will have to justify all your actions to the 
Heavenly court.


Daniel Eidensohn