[Avodah] Upsherin

[T613K at aol.com]

From: R' Noah Greenfield:

>>I am under the impression that  the GRIZ and R Chaim Kanievsky both oppose
the minhag of upsherin, even  suggesting that there might be pagan
influences. If this is correct, is it  proper to attend a colleague's
(child's) upsherin ceremony? Is there any  legitimacy in attending if I think
my colleague would otherwise be offended  in any way? Should I point out to
him the potential pagan-ness of his  party?

Also, how should this be presented to students who may have  had
upsherin themselves. Should we be warning them against this  ceremony?<<

Best,
Noah  Greenfield
ngreenfield at gmail.com






.
>>>>>
Lots of things we do have at least some slight pagan or foreign influence  
behind them (e.g., leaning at the seder as Roman aristocrats did, or lighting  
bonfires on Lag B'Omer which some say comes from some old Arab holiday, etc  
etc).  In my family growing up, lighting birthday candles was considered  chukas 
hagoyim and verboten.  
 
However, once something has been established as a minhag for several  
generations -- and in my chassidishe natal family, upsherenishes were definitely  the 
minhag!  -- then the origin no longer matters.  Especially when  the origin 
has long been forgotten.  (Sorry for clumsy English plural  "upsherenishes"  -- 
don't know the correct Yiddish -- I've forgotten most  of my Yiddish -- 
chaval al d'avdin.)
 
One reason that I've heard for the opsheren is that the child reaches the  
age of chinuch at three, and at that age you want him to start being aware of  
the mitzva of payos.  Even if he doesn't wear long payos, he should know  not 
to cut the payos too short when he has a haircut.  If his hair was  always 
short, he won't notice the difference now.  But if he has his first  haircut at 
three and the payos are pointed out and carefully /not/ cut, he will  be aware 
of his payos.
 
My husband is a Litvak so my son did not have an upsheren, and I was just  as 
happy, because I never really cared for the look of long and unkempt  hair 
and pony tails on boys.  I guess I was just destined to marry a  Litvak.
 
As for your question, since the minhag is of such long standing and so  
widespread in Torah circles, you certainly /should/ go to your friend's  
celebration, bring a present and wish him mazal tov.  Any comments you  want to make 
should be made in a casual conversation at some /other/ time and  place.  
 
You should /not/ tell children whose fathers are bnai Torah that their  
family minhag is pagan, assur and wrong.  You /can/ tell them that there  are 
varying opinions among the poskim.  When children are older -- high  school age -- 
they can be told that a few poskim suspect the upsheren to  be of pagan 
origin.  Young children should not be told anything that  will lead them to doubt 
whether their fathers can be relied on, but at the same  time they should be 
told enough so that they can appreciate that the other  guys have sources and 
poskim, too.  Those Litvaks who don't have  upsherenishes should not hold 
chasssidim in contempt, or vice versa.
 
As for the the GRIZ and R Chaim Kanievsky, theirs is definitely a minority  
opinion in the Torah community, and therefore you need have no qualms about  
joining in the simcha of friends who follow the opinion of other rabbonim and  
poskim.  This is not anything like the "Should I go to a Reform bat  mitzva?" 
type of question!
 
BTW I don't know who the GRIZ is.


--Toby  Katz
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