[Avodah] Speaking in a Beis Avel

[Micha Berger]

On Mon, Nov 28, 2011 at 04:54:03PM -0500, Prof. Levine wrote:
>> So, is this one rule minhag? Is the whole concept of nichum aveilim
>> "only" minhag? And if either, why does se'if 4 begin "achshav nohagim"
>> if the prior 3 se'ifim are also minhag?

> The following is from Mourning in Halachah, Chapter 17, Consoling Mourners.
> 1. To console mourners is a major precept.  Some consider this mitzvah to 
> be Scripturally ordained (deOraysa).
...
> Please see http://www.stevens.edu/golem/llevine/consoling_mourners.pdf  
> for the relevant pages.

In his footnote, the author cites R' Yonah as saying deOraisa, and the
Rambam as saying derabbanan, and doesn't give the mechaber's position. So,
I still do not know what "minhag" is being referred to in the title of
the siman.

In any case, I don't even think the Rambam and Rabbeinu Yonah disagree.
RY says it's part of the deOraisa of "es haderekh asher yelkhu vahh"
(Shemos 18:20), ie gemilus chesed in general. The mitzvos of Purim and
Chanukah are part of the fundamental concepts of hallel for a yeshu'ah
and pirsumei nisa, but megillah (et al) and neir Chanukah are mitzvos
derabbanan giving a specific way to fulfil that general chiyuv. So too
the Rambam could speak of nichum aveilim being derabbana without denying
RY's point that it is under the general umbrella of a deOraisa.

Skipping back:
> 2.  It is not enough merely to console the mourner; one must also say  
> good things to him until one makes him happy, and his face becomes 
> cheerful.

WADR to the author, the Shelah (cited as his source) defines nichum
aveilim as just being there, "lehar'os lo panim". Then he adds, "shelo
dai benichum levad, elea gam kein yedabeir nechumim, veyedabeir la'avel
devarim tovim ad sheyismechu, veyihyu panim yafos."

So, it's not "one must", it's a second layer (nichum, then simchah)
after nichumim beyond the mitzvah itself -- the comfort of just showing
your face.

But lemaaseh common practice is to hold like the Tur, and not to take
lead in the conversation as these two add-ons would as times require.
*Perhaps* that's why they're add ons -- only attempt them when the
avel's lead implies they would be appropriate.

BTW, 5.5 is Ashkenazocentric. Sepharadim generally say "Tenachamu min
haShamayim", rather than "HaMaqom".

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             The thought of happiness that comes from outside
micha at aishdas.org        the person, brings him sadness. But realizing
http://www.aishdas.org   the value of one's will and the freedom brought
Fax: (270) 514-1507      by uplifting its, brings great joy. - R' Kook