[Avodah] Officiating at a Mixed Marriage

[Micha Berger]

I was once in the awkward position of being asked by two co workers if
I would be a witness at their wedding at City Hall. (The entire company
was roughly a dozen people, just to give you a sense of the bond between
co workers.) He is a Russian Jew, came to the US via Israel. She is an
Italian Catholic, born in the US.

So as to be able to say "I asked my rabbi and I can't", I asked my
rabbi. He in turn asked his rabbi, who disussed it with a peer. Anyway,
I was shocked by the pesaq.

1- They're living together monogmously already. (Which today is typical
of American fiances.) Therefore, there is no issue of mesayei'ah.

2- Odds are, the marriage won't last their lifetimes. I represent Judaism
to him. The difference between whether he becomes a BT someday or not
might hinge on emotions generated by my alienating him or befriending
him now.

Therefore, very contrary to expexctation, the rav pasqened mutar, and
because of #2, not to offend.

I mention this because the line of reasoning could well apply to a rabbi
being asked to officiate. However, there is one MAJOR chiluq; my friends
got married in City Hall, the ordaining rabbi is being asked as rabbi,
a religious ceremony, and one that will misrepresent Yahadus to boot.

Of course, none of this is an actual direct source, but given that it
wouldn't have come up too often until modern times and that few would
even bother contemplating on a technical level rather than saying no
for policy reasons. (And since one is chayav work against shmad, finding
the right policy is itself a halachic matter.)

:-)BBii!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             One doesn't learn mussar to be a tzaddik,
micha at aishdas.org        but to become a tzaddik.
http://www.aishdas.org                         - Rav Yisrael Salanter
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