[Avodah] Stam yeinam of Giyur Candidates

[Zev Sero]

Chana Luntz wrote:

> Now I confess that my instincts are that we should rather "have" the sort of
> person who would put her father's needs over her own and take time out to
> nurse her father, than the sort of person who would ignore those needs in
> order to continue with her conversion, but then, I am not the beis din, and
> it would seem you would also disagree with me.

I agree, and I'm astonished at the LBD's attitude.   If anything I'd
have called it a test which she passed, like that of Dama ben Netina.
But it seems from your story that this was all hashgacha pratit, since
as a result of the BD's intransigent attitude when she met her basherter
she was able to marry him.  What a tragedy it would have been had she
gone through with the giyur, only to find that she had left her "other
half" behind! I assume that he is not interested in Judaism, so there's
no hope of their converting together.

I know someone with not quite so dramatic a story.  She was on track to
convert, and it was taking a long time but she was fine with that, a bit
impatient but also appreciating that this was a serious and irreversible
step and that she had to be absolutely sure she wanted it.  While this
was dragging on, she met a wonderful man who was not at all interested
in Judaism, so she put her conversion "on indefinite hold" to marry him.
He agreed to live as a ben noach and keep a kosher home, and they were
married by an Orthodox rabbi.   As time went on and he got used to her
ways, he started to go to shul with her, but couldn't feel comfortable
in the O shul, so they started to go to a C place, where he felt more
comfortable; eventually he felt ready for a C conversion, so she took
that as better than nothing, and they both converted to C (and were
married again; they may be the only couple in the world to have had a
C wedding *after* an O one!)  I think she still harbours a hope that
eventually he will be ready for O, and they can convert properly; but
either way, she's happier being a bat noach and married to him than she
would be Jewish and without him.  Had her giyur gone quicker, and she'd
met him after it was over, it would have been too late.

-- 
Zev Sero                      The trouble with socialism is that you
zev at sero.name                 eventually run out of other people’s money
                                                     - Margaret Thatcher