[Avodah] saying kaddish

[Eli Turkel]

<<In summary, I don't think anyone really thinks that it is forbidden
to say kaddish for a brother. But if one does do so, and says that
kaddish together with others, then it is possible to say that this
person is taking advantage of a hetter which was not intended for his
situation. The poskim very reluctantly allowed several sons to say
kaddish together, in order to avoid the fights over the limited number
of kaddishim available. Once we became accustomed to that, so
accustomed that it seems natural to us, then the next step was to say
kaddish not only for our parents, but other relatives as well. Not
forbidden, but not totally right either.>>

I have the minhag of saying kaddish for my grandfather since all the
sond have already passed away. I have see sources that this is a
proper minhag. Of course in the original minhag this would have the
lowest priority and sons would have the first priority. Nevertheless
once the minhag is for everyone to say then there is no problem.

There is a rabbi in our shul who lost a son (about 20 year old) in a
military raid. He says kaddish for his son for several years. Again
while there is no halacha of saying kaddish beyond 30 days I don't see
anything wrong with continuing. As others have brought RYBS said
kaddish for his wife for a long time even though he had a son who was
saying kaddish for his mother


-- 
Eli Turkel