[Avodah] Fasting on YK

[kennethgmiller at juno.com]

R' Yitzhak Grossman brought several sources and then wrote:
> The principle is that I am not obligated to suffer in order
> to prevent hilul Shabbos on behalf of a holeh she'yesh bo
> sakkanah; one could therefor argue that a husband who
> really minded missing YK prayers would not be obligated to
> miss them in order to save his wife from the necessity of
> eating.

I think RYG is making a very good point, but I suspect that it might only apply when talking about a person and his neighbor. If the topic of the question is a man and his wife, then I'd hope that RYG's presumption is that the wife does not mind eating on YK. Or at least, that the wife would not mind eating as much as her husband would mind missing shul.

My point is that -- depending on the personalities involved -- it could easily be the case that the husband would not get much tzaar from having to help his wife at home, whereas the wife might get a great deal of tzaar from having to eat on YK. In such a case, I suggest that despite what RYG wrote, the husband WOULD be obligated to miss shul in order to save his wife from the necessity of eating.

On the other hand, one could ask: If Akiva Miller is correct, then why wouldn't it also apply between a man and his neighbor? If my neighbor would suffer over the chillul shabbos that is being done for him, maybe I *should* be obligated to go out of my way for him, so that my small tzaar will save him from a greater tzaar? After all, doesn't "V'Ahavta L'Rayacha Kamocha" teach that I should treat my neighbor's tzaar as seriously as my own?

If one would ask that, this is what I'd answer: But the halacha is in fact the way RYG wrote; I *don't* have to go so far to help my neighbor. But I *do* have to go that far to help my spouse.

Akiva Miller
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